This is a drafted post I found that was never published. This was a point in my exchange where I was becoming extremely stressed and frustrated. You will be able to see that from the yelling and the swearing. Enjoy!
Originally written on the 13/9/2009
My first family for the summer holidays were in another prefecture (Kochi-ken. The prefecture below Ehime-ken) I was driven there by my area rep, which took about 3 hours. I only found out that I would be moving to this families house 4 days before I had to leave, also being told that I would spend the entire holidays there.
I was there for a total of 10 days, finding out only on the 8th that I would be changing families again because the mothers boss was sick in hospital and she had to take over his role temporarily in the city counsel.
They were also worried that I was spending too much time watching TV and going on the computer. I had nothing else to do. The mother and father were out doing their own thing everyday, either working or running errands, and I was left in the house by myself.
When I found out that I was going to be changing, I send my mum a 1,201 word email, saying that I wanted to go home and explaining why. She got in contact with YFU Australia and they got in contact with YFU Japan 2 days later.
Here are some parts from the email (I will post the full email when I get back to Australia) There are a lot of spelling mistakes and bad typing, but it’s really quite difficult to focus on correct grammar and spelling with you are furious and in tears. The only things I have changed from these are names and certain words. Everything else has been left the same.
“annyway, I would have to live with *(person)* till the end of the summer holidays. I told *( holiday host mother)* i did not like *(person)* when *(holiday host mother)* asked what i thought of ‘them’. She then continued to ask why and since i did not know the japanese equivalent of ‘——– —- ——- —–‘…. i refused to tell her.
She then asked me if i wanted to change host families (WHY THE HELL DOES EVERYONE ASK ME THAT!?!? IM SICK TO F***ING DEATH WITH IT!! IF I WANTED TO CHANGE, I WOULD HAVE BLOODY-WELL SAID SO!)“
“On the way home *(holiday host mother)* said that i ‘need to smile all the time’. (IM NOT A BLOODY CLOWN! HOW THE HELL CAN SHE JUST EXPECT ME TO SMILE ALL THE TIME WHEN PEOPLE DONT TTALK TO ME, WHEN I DONT UNDERSTAND THEM AND WHEN IM COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONFORT ZONE!! IT NOT THAT EASY!)
And then told me the information about changing
(THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED! EVERYONE TIME I BEGIN TO FEEL MOTIVATED TO SPEAK, I GET YELLED AT, THREATENED, OR HAVE TO CHANGE HOST FAMILIES!!!! I CANT F***ING DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE!!)”
“I am SICK to DEATH of this happening. I cant do any more changes….. this is why i chose YFU, because i knew that i couldn’t deal with changing families at all!”
“When i got home from the festival/parade thing, *(holiday host mother)* when and had a shower. I sat at the table, staring at the kitchen sink for 5 minutes before going to the loungroom, lying down and had a panic attack. I could hardly breath, i was crying (even though iwasn’t sad) and couldnt stop muttering to myself. I did that for about 15 mintues and when *(holiday host mother)* came out of the shower,…. didnt even seem to notice that anything was wrong and told me to go have a shower.”
“I spent 4 and a half hours last night sitting up thinking about all this. Coincindently The Shining was on too (same story…. I just haven’t found a crazy child, annoying woman, giant empty hotel and an axe yet)
Its the isolation that is driving me insane. People say i dont speak much when they ask me things. Iv spent so long not speaking…. i dont know what to say when people speak to me anymore! I cnat think of what i would have said back in australia…. that was half a year ago!!”
“I star(t)ed to think about this [going back to australia] last night and after 4 and a half hours of thinking about it, i got confused as to where i was. Sometimes i thought i was already bak home, to only then realise that i hadnt left yet.”
“Please dont tell anyone about this email or what has been mentioned in it. You can tell dad, but dont tell anyone else like work friends or even grandma or *(brother)*. Please dont post anything on facebook to me indicating that i may be coming home early. Dont mention anything to ANYONE. Im begging you.”
Doubt you’ll find something like that on any other exchange students blog.
Exchange students tend to not put many negative things about exchange on their blogs, I guess incase it starts to make their parents worry, but my mum already knew because I sent her this email. I wasn’t happy about the language I used (I generally make an effort to not swear around my mum, dad or brother) but I thought it was the only way to bring across how I was really feeling.
You can see how my emotions changed throughout the email. The start was pure anger, personally attacking certain people, the middle was me starting to calm down a bit along with a dark; sarcastic joke and the end was begging.
The only thing I am ashamed about in that email is my bad langauge, but I believe that people (expecially exchange students) should be as honest as possible on their blogs, because I can guaretee something like this will happen to another exchange students sometime in the future, and if they happen to come across this blog, it may make them feel better to know that there are other people who have been through the same thing.
Anyway, 2 days later, I left this family to go to a new family.
I didn’t know who they were or where they lived.
I wasn’t told anything.